I can’t handle how I feel. I don’t feel like me and I don’t feel like I get any say in my actions or thoughts. I don’t often feel much more than anxious and sad and alone. It hurts to move and it hurts to think and I don’t have the energy to tell anyone how it feels. I feel betrayed by everyone, even the ones who did nothing wrong, betrayed because they cant help and isn’t that the point in loved ones.

I think about how you used to push me down and the look on your face when I started to cry. My heart beats faster and I think about how you would just scream at me to stand up.

I think about how you were sweating and panting and pushing my head into the sheets and I tried not to cry. My heart beats faster and I think about how much it hurt and how I couldn’t move.

I want to find someone who understands, but mostly I just don’t wanna feel alone all the fucking time. 

Close ur eyes and take three deep breaths… This is the only moment you need to worry about. No yesterday. No tomorrow. Just right now. You’re not late for anything. You aren’t going to miss anything. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be & you’re exactly who you’re supposed to be. You’re absolutely perfect & whatever happens today is exactly whats supposed to happen.